When I get Home My Wife Always Pretends to be Dead
by Burning Ice Phoenix
Summary: AU Alfred's housewife is really, really strange. Americaxfem!China


Alfred F. Jones was smart, good looking, and he was a pretty successful business man. He was an important part of the company he worked for and he was good natured making him an easy guy to work with. So the puzzled look he had while riding home on the train wasn't business related. No, not at all. What he was thinking about was his wife. He let out a sigh. "Guess I'll know when I get back." He mumbled to himself.

His stop was the fifth to last one and the train wasn't as crowded. Not too many people lived on this end of the city. It wasn't a bad neighborhood, on the contrary, it was a really good neighborhood. So good that most people couldn't afford it. It was depressing for him at times, but he would have to go home alone unlike many of his business associates.

Arriving at the door of the house, he heard an odd sound of something coming from inside. It sounded like a crash so he hurried to unlock the door. "Honey, is everything all-" He paused.

On the floor, his wife's long black hair that was usually tied neatly into two buns was messy and strewn across the floor in blood. She was lying on her back with a knife sticking out and appeared to have been trying to write down the culprit's name. 'Shinatty...' she had written down before apparently dying.

Alfred stared at his wife before heaving a sigh. "Chun-Yan, you didn't use up all the ketchup, I hope. How am I supposed to eat my McDonalds?" He could hear laughter erupting from below as the Chinese woman tried to stay still to fool her husband. "Don't make me clean up all of this! You wouldn't be that cruel, would you?" Alfred said, faking a pout.

There was more giggling before Chun-Yan sat up to give him a smile. "No, I used something I read on the internet to do this, aru."

"The internet?" Alfred looked as the liquid rolled into the carpet, turning it from white to red. "...It doesn't stain, does it?"

Chun-Yan's eyes darted to the side and then down to her clothes. "...Oops!" She simply said.

Alfred threw his head back in a sigh. "It's fine, I like red anyways!"

Chun-Yan smiled up at him as he helped her stand up. "I'll go finish making dinner then, aru!" She said as she gives him a kiss on the cheek and rushed back to the kitchen with the knife sticking out of her back.

"Um- Why don't you take that off- Chun-Yan?"

* * *

><p>His wife had insisted on continuing to wear the knife and clothing dyed blood-red for the rest of the night. Alfred didn't mind too much. His wife was always his wife. Even if he could never read what she was thinking.<p>

"Oh yea, we're working on a big project tomorrow. I'll be home late."

Chun-Yan looks up at him from her food before nodding, "Ok. What would you like to eat tomorrow, aru?"

"Hamburgers of course!"

"Sure!" She smiles. They've been eating hamburgers at least 5 times a week, but she doesn't mind. "Work hard on your project, aru."

* * *

><p>Arriving home, Alfred was surprised to see that the lights were off. "Chun-Yan, why are the lights off-" He flipped open the lights to see blood across each of the walls and a ripped-why was there a soviet flag in the first place? "Uh...Chun-Yan?" He called worriedly in to the house. There were the bodies of two, three soldiers lying face down in the living room making him worried to go further in the house.<p>

Opening the lights to the bedroom, Alfred sighed in relief. Chun-Yan was sitting against the wall with 3 bullets lodged into her body and broken hand while holding a machine gun in the other. "Wow, I'm amazed. Did you get all of this off eBay?"

Chun-Yan looked up with a smirk. "You'd be surprised what you could find there, aru."

"How much did you say you were going to pay those guys out there?" Alfred asked as he took out his wallet.

"It's fine, they're some of my old friends from college, aru!" She said as she stood up and placed the toy gun by the bedroom wall. "They came over to keep me company for the evening and I asked them to help me set this up, aru."

"Keep you company?"

"Yea, since you said you would be working late, aru."

"Oh-"

"I'll go set the table! We can all eat together tonight, aru!" Chun-Yan said as she left the room and hurried to the kitchen.

Alfred watched as she left. He couldn't help thinking back at her words. It crossed his mind at times. Why would she play dead every night? He couldn't remember when it started, but he was sure she never did this when they were dating. He sighed as he looked at the blood smeared walls. Maybe she was lonely, she was always alone when he was out. He would never know for sure because she was always so good at hiding her emotions. He let a small smile, whatever it might be, if this lifestyle of fake dying kept her happy, then it's fine.

Each night's death is different, he could remember the shock when McDonalds was involved once. She must've been pleased with how shocked he was because the next night, her death involved Colonel Sanders.

Getting off the train and walking the short distance to his house, he could only imagine what his wife will have in store for him, "I'm home-"

* * *

><p><strong>Based off of this video:<strong>

**h t t p : / / w w w . y o u t u b e . c o m / w a t c h ? v = B b q R - 0 w j b v c & f e a t u r e = r e l a t e d**

**without the spaces. I picked America to be Kaito just for the McDonalds and Colonel Sanders. I picked fem!China as Miku because Kaito said he wasn't sure why Miku would pretend to be dead each time- only suggesting the idea that she might be lonely. Himaruya said that fem!China is actually a person whose feelings are hard to read. **

**And hey! It's not a De-Anon this time :D**

**(Ok, this was written a long time ago and I just decided to post it up because…well, I wrote it! So, why not? I'm not really alive right now…For those of you waiting on my other stories, I apologize, it might take a while _; On top of that, my writing style might've changed slightly…I hope nobody would mind too much!)**


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